


And Then There Were Fajitas

by Rail and Tracer (Adi_Black)



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-20
Updated: 2012-07-20
Packaged: 2017-11-10 09:14:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/464647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adi_Black/pseuds/Rail%20and%20Tracer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Absolute Crack!Fic. DGM plus sombrero's plus cigars equals hilarity. Added smut for bonus points.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Then There Were Fajitas

**Author's Note:**

> I swear to god I didn't mean it. I don't mean it. It's pure crack. No offense intended. Of any kind. xD;
> 
> Me and Tracer decided that since DGM is making about as much sense as this fic right now we may as well put it up here. It was inspired by...crack. And our friend Moon.
> 
> Prepare to die, whether from hilarity or your brain imploading from dumb. Please enjoy either way.

The sun had just set on The Alamo. The campfire was small, nobody wanted to attract the attention of any Akuma in the area. Everything was bigger in Texas and they feared their enemies would be too. They were camped by a plateau, next to a small overhang that was slightly indented so they would be hard to find.

Allen lit another cigar, twirling his fake handlebar mustache, they had insisted on disguises for this mission. He had no idea why he had to be in a dress and poncho as well, but he tried not to argue. For some reason Komui was along as well and had found a shop that sold hot pink full leotards. The teen was trying to stay as far away from him as possible.

Lenalee and Lavi sat by the fire as well, disguised in their sombreros and poncho's, an unlit cigar in Lavi's mouth and large flowers in Lenalees hair. Allen twitched, wondering how close this was coming to crossing the line.

His thought was interrupted by Kanda walking back into camp. Allen stood from where he had been sitting on his log, tossing it into the fire just so the other male couldn't sit on it. The others flinched in surprise as sparks flew at them and one landed in Lenalees hair, smoking a little. This caused Komui to panic, it had just started growing back! and leap across the fire. Unfortunately the science lead wasn't as athletic as he had hoped and landed in the fire instead. Lavi panicked and the rest panicked and in the confusion of Komuis leotard starting to burn off Kanda met Allens eyes, a dramatic rumble sounding in the distance and they walked calmly from camp.

They retreated around the plateau, to another random overhang that they both could fit under comfortably. Not that there was anything comforting about their situation.

"So what do you want?" Allen asked tensely, feeling as if he was about to get into a shoot-out.

"Nothing that you'll protest to," Kanda replied and pulled out a cigar, biting off the end to light it up and smoke it.

Allens mustache tickled his nose again so he ripped it off, throwing it to the ground dramatically along with his sombrero. "Remove my poncho and find what lies beneath!" he paused for a moment, "I'll give you a hint. It's another cigar; lit and ready to be smoked."

Kanda tossed his sombrero like a frisbee and took a step forward to tear off the smaller boys poncho, the red dancing dress falling to the ground as the white haired boy had undone it earlier.

"You little puta," Kanda chuckled and Allen frowned at him as he took off his own poncho, his tight cotton leggings tucked into his boots and his loose white shirt open at the top.

Allen walked forward nakedly and ripped off the other teens shirt. "Less talking, more fucking. Komui being caught on fire can't distract the others forever."

Chuckling again the dark haired teen swept the legs out from under the other and went down with him, knocking him breathless as they lay on the hard earth. Kanda bit him and he gasped, the ache growing stronger between his legs. All he could think of was terrible euphemisms involving the local food choices. Kanda struggled with the laces holding his pants up, finally able to push them down on his hips a little.

The white haired boy was naked underneath him he felt like it was some sort of holiday, which in reality it might have been, considering where they were. Now that they had gotten started Kanda wasted no time making sure Allen knew he was in charge. The boy seemed to have no problems with it, and the only protest when he felt a finger slide inside was "That had better not be hot sauce."

Kanda made a noise to reassure him and Allen relaxed quickly, wanting this and hoping for not too much sand in uncomfortable areas, so the preparation was quick. Kanda took a moment to slick himself up before sliding inside with one rough thrust.

Crying out Allen clenched his hands to Kanda's forearms, tightening and moaning around him. Kanda leaned down and bit him on his lower lip, causing him to open his mouth and whimper, the older teen taking the opportunity to put his tongue in his mouth, moving it around with the other boys, thrusting roughly a few more times. Pulling away he tasted the blood on the younger boys mouth and smirked.

"Ah yeah, you like that? You want more meat in your fajita?"

Allen moaned breathlessly, the comparison of being fucked to one of his beloved foods was too much and he came, his addled mind thinking of sour cream and burrito's. Kanda came not long after that, though his mind wasn't on food so much as screwing the other teen again soon.

Recovering quickly the two disconnected and recovered their clothes, glaring at each other as they walked, Allen rather stiffly, back to camp.

The camp had recovered, mostly, and they had just gotten done cooking some sort of meal.

Lavi waved at them as they came in and asked, "Do either of you have hot sauce?"

Kanda nodded and tossed a bottle to Lavi.

Scandalized, Allen looked at the other teen, "But you said it wasn't hot sauce!"

END 

xXx

BONUS SCENE:

Kanda woke up with a start, a spanish curse word on his lips. Looking around his darkened room breathing a sigh of relief he felt Yu stir next to him.

"What is it?" he asked, curious. He had been partially awake before and knew something weird had been going on.

"No more crack and hot sauce before bed," Kanda muttered and Yu frowned at him.

"What were you dreaming of? I thought I heard something about fajita's..." he trailed off at the look his lover was giving him.

"It was nothing." Kanda said, his face blank and made of stone.

It was then that Kanda decided two things. 1. No more drugs before bed, and 2. He was never accepting a mission near Mexico.

End (for real)


End file.
